i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
