If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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