I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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