My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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