she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
