If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
