dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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