Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
