Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
