Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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