I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
