She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
