Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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