I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
