Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
