I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
