the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
