all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
