I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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