Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
