I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I am morally bankrupt
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
