do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
