My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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