oh god the rape fog is back!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
