Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
