you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
