It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
