How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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