she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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