You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
