Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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