Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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