no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
