I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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