My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
