highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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