i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
