and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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