just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
