The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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