One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
