What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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