So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
