ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
nutella sex= disaster
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
