last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
