o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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