Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
