Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
