We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
