I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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