Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
